Day 118: An Environmental Change

I woke up this morning and it felt as though a haze had lifted from my eyes and though I had slept better than I ever had. I didn't think I would be writing my blog before next week, so consider this entry a lucky entry. Here we are, Jeff and I, in Baneberry, Tennessee...a little town that consists of a golf course with a bar and grill and a set of mailboxes and one police officer who will give you a $100 ticket if your drive through the parking lot to short cut the corner. (No...we didn't do it...we just heard about it from some locals.) The most amazing thing is that this is what I believe people mean when they talk about "God's country."

Instantly as we drove yesterday into the state of Tennessee we felt a connection with the state and the people. We felt at home immediately and the southern hospitality was like none other. There was something in the air...something that felt right. Something that felt like we were home. Why? No idea. Maybe it was because of the stress we left behind in Indiana. But maybe its because we have finally found where we truly want to be.

Sometimes environmental change can make us into better people. Think of it this way...the oil spill in the gulf is impacting the environment which impacts physically the life of the wild life and nature around it. When the environment is negative then the impact to the surroundings is negative. The same then is with us as humans in our environment. Could the reason for the physical wearing down of us and our health, etc., be because of our environment at home in South Bend, IN? The pollution, the natural sarcasticness of the "Hoosier hospitality," or even the lack of a future employment market and a slumping housing market?

Where is our life headed? What do we see our future looking like? Do we stay in South Bend for the sake of others or do we start to live our lives? We have alot to ask ourselves. We have pros and cons to discuss but maybe, just maybe, we have found our future here in the state of Tennessee. This is something we have to pray about. This is something we have to look at and really decide on. Never have we felt like this before about anywhere we went. Pray for us. It won't be tomorrow or next week that we move down here. But maybe, just maybe at some point here, we will be here.

Days 110 thru 114: An update

I had every intention to write...I truly did. But because of a couple reasons I didn't get anything on here. The first reason was impacted because of the second. Firstly, I decided to procrastinate a little bit on Friday. I had hoped to write this blog early that morning but a few situations at home had me scrambling to get to work. Then all hell broke loose! A family emergency hit and soon all time had gone for the day. As the weekend came and went, so did my energy and ability to just take enough time to stop and think. Now...as this week will progress I will be traveling in the early morning hours for work, will be traveling on vacation, and then eventually in a little over a week I will be having surgery. So...what to do?

For the next week I plan on taking a break from the blog. I need time to break away from it. Will it start back up again? Hopefully...only time will tell. It's not that I don't want to write the blog or that I don't want to improve my life. Rather, I need to focus on it more and less worry about what I am going to write and how I will write it and whether I am saying the right things. So, for the next week I am going to take a break on the blog. My intentions are to begin writing again next Wednesday, May 26th. Maybe I will do it sooner, but if not, my goal is next week. I need a vacation. I need to not have to think or work hard at anything other than enjoying my life and the moment.

Thank you for all that you all have done. For reading my blog. Check back in a week and maybe I will be back. Until them, have a great week.

Day 109: Live more simply

As my father-in-law and their neighbor have been working on our kitchen, tearing up the floor and putting down tile to improve the look of our kitchen, we have been forced to eat off paper plates and out in our living room. Having lost our grill due to it shooting fire out at my husband like a dragon, we can't even attempt to cook outside. (Plus it has rained nearly every day). Unfortunately we can't afford to go out to eat every day either. So what are our options? Cold lunch meat sandwiches for supper. For some this may not seem so dramatic. For us its been a lesson in learning to live more simply.

Recently I read an article in a magazine where the couple, who had lost their 4,000 square foot home to a fire rebuilt their home using just two shed from their back yard. Instead of the home being 4000 square feet they brought it down to 925 square feet...barely a kitchen and a bedroom and bathroom existed. What they spoke about was learning to live simply.

Why should we learn to live more simply? It's not because of times like this where we are forced to move into smaller spaces or for when we are doing renovations. And its not so that I don't have to keep cleaning up things. Rather, having so many things in our life tend to clutter up our lives and re-prioritize our thinking and even what we find important. What use is it having so much stuff? Some may say that it is so they can keep up with the Joneses. (Who are these supposedly elusive Joneses anyway? They don't live on my street. Most of the Joneses I know live in the projects next to my street. Why would I want to live that poor?) Some may say that it gives them happiness. Isn't what you have and don't have the bone of contention of arguments in a marriage?

So many people think that having things may make them happy. This happiness is a temporary thing. Think about it...you go our and buy a new thing...a video game console, a sound system, puzzles, books, anything. You are so excited about it that you tell everyone about it or you spend the next two weeks using the item until you've actually grown tired of it. The next thing you know it sits and gathers dust. Sure on occasion you actually pull it out or look at it and then it gets put on the shelf once again. Are these things that we really need in our lives?

Yesterday I started cleaning things out of different areas of our home. I looked at these things and realized I really didn't need these things. I looked at them and thought...."hmmm...if I had only thought about the fact that I wouldn't really need these things two weeks after I bought them maybe I wouldn't have gotten them." It's nice to want. It's nice to be able to share with others in your life the bragging stories that come along with owning things. But it is worth it? Do people love you any more just because you have an expensive car or alot of things? No. Is popularity all that important? For some, yes. For the former nerd/athlete like myself? No.

I'm nearing 40 and every year that I get closer to that means dropping my high school mentality of trying to fit in with the popular crowd. So what's more important in your life? Having? Being? Or is it just living simply? Think about it. I gotta go....I have more decluttering to do.

Days 106, 107 and 108: Confidence is high!

Back in high school when my western civilization teacher was asked if we were going to have a test or a quiz that week or if the upcoming test was going to be a difficult one he use to respond by exclaiming, "Confidence is high!" It would be much easier and prepare us much more if we had someone in life to prepare us in this way as we ventured into adulthood as well. But what did that mean when that teacher would say "Confidence is high?" While it prepared us to know there was a test or quiz coming up, it also helped us to become more confident in what we knew as we studied the information that we needed for that test or quiz.

When I crawl out of bed in the morning the hardest thing to say let alone think is "confidence is high!" I wake up grumpy that I even have to get out of bed! However, we really do need to start off our morning with that saying. Why? Because it reminds us that we can make it through the day. It reminds us that we can accomplish things. It reminds us to believe in ourselves.

Recently, someone in my life has been dealing with a confidence issue. Last night I found myself talking to them about believing in themselves while not losing their sense of who they are. As we try to build confidence ourselves we have to make sure that we aren't losing a sense of who we are and try to be someone we are not. A typically shy person shouldn't just try to be more extroverted as they may look at how they can be more extroverted and start saying things just to say things in conversation that are hurtful to others or that shouldn't be talked about. A person with fears shouldn't just "go for it" and attack all their fears hoping to "get over it." When people in these areas try to "have confidence," when they fail, they fall big time. It shatters their confidence even more and it keeps them from moving forward in the future.

As I spoke to this person last night and they recounted how they were trying to be more confident in themselves I saw myself in them in a way. I realized what I had gone through to get me to where I was. While I am not the most confident person in the world, I worked at it. I didn't always write like this....I actually came close to failing my creative writing class in college. But I didn't have confidence at the time in myself. What I did was study. I studied my life. I studied other people and how they wrote. And I began to believe in myself. Confidence is the key to starting the vehicle of our life that takes us places. Belief and study are what gives us the key.

Today I will be working at my own confidence and how I get there. Sometimes I don't believe in myself and that is an area I have to work on. In my own career I am a supervisor. I need to start being that and having confidence that when I make a decision under that title at work that I need to stick with it and have confidence in it. So...for these last 3 days, that's where I am at. Confidence is high!

Day 104 & 105: Looking back

As I looked at these days and realized that I had already made it over 105 days I was astonished. First, I had thought it would be alot easier to come up with a task each day. Boy was I wrong. I'm sure some of you wouldn't be surprised at how many times I had wanted to back out of this! Secondly, I realized that I only had 260 days left to write this. 260 Days left....oh boy! I barely made it these last 105 days, how am I going to do another 260 days.

Then I realized that it's not important to look back but rather to look forward. It's important to keep voyaging forward. Our past is important to remember but as I thought about writing this I realized that you can't go backwards and grow. Rather..it takes walking forward. You can't return to where you've been and expect it to be the same. No...you have to realize that life changes, we change, and our environments change.

As I write these blogs entries daily I look back at the past blogs and you know what happens? It messes me up. I think about what everyone reading this would say. What if I duplicated a task? What it I say something wrong and contradict something that I have said or did before? I thought more about it and the thought that came to mind was that it was okay. I may revisit past tasks and the reason is that maybe I haven't mastered those tasks.

The only looking back today I planned on doing was looking back at all that my mother has done for me throughout the last 37 years. Mom...I don't know that you read this, but Happy Mother's Day.

Day 103: Stormy clouds

This morning I awoke to the sound of two barking dogs. Two dogs barking at the sound of thunder as a stormy day rolled in. As I trudged out of bed and heard the sound of the rain beating on the concrete outside one of the open windows in our house I instantly thought that I'd like to head back to bed. Almost like clockwork, the naturally calm and collective Melissa person became the incredible hulk! If you think about it, what it the one thing that the incredible hulk posses most? A lack of patience! Why else does he get so angry? He tends to just push his way through life. When was the last time you noticed that big green super "un"hero wait at a stop light in the movies? I mean...the dude is totally inpatient!

For some reason the dark clouds and the storms rolling in always get my patience on end. My perception of how people are driving or other people's choices get on my nerves. Every argument I could have with people I don't like comes to mind and I threaten to actually yell at someone.

How do I avoid doing this in the future? That is what I need to learn today. Otherwise a co-worker may just get a piece of my mind today or a driver in front of me might get the finger. (Trust me...it's been a while since I flipped anyone off but it has happened.) Today I will remember to step back from the situations and work on becoming patient. I will count to ten before yelling today. There's already enough thunder and lightening outside...I don't need to create any more in here than I have to. Wish me luck!

Day 102: Being proud of yourself

So often I have a hard time giving myself credit for what I accomplish. Even worse is when someone compliments me. I tend to cower down. While I was in the convent it was made known to me that I tend to negate myself when I am complimented. If I was complimented I would respond, "yeah but...." usually followed with a negative comment about myself. At the time I thought I was being humble. It took one of the Sisters to look at me straight in the eye with all seriousness to say that "yeah buts are those fuzzy little creatures that hop along the forest and eat our flowers out front" and that I needed to accept positivity from others.

With that statement I started to watch what I'd say. But soon I realized that I'd do it to myself even when was just thinking. We need to stop doing that to ourselves. It becomes a self destruction method if we don't change the pattern of our thinking when we do this.

For Day 102 this is an area I will work on.