This morning I woke after a less than great night of sleep to an email from a couple who we had been talking to about embryo adoption. Embryo Adoption is when a couple who has frozen embryos available that they can donate them to you in order to achieve having a child. Of course the child would not be ours genetically but we would in all intents and purposes be the parents of that child. I would carry the child(ren). I would birth them. This couple had been considering over 30 different couples and here we were in the final four. We had gotten through tons of hurdles. We would finally find out if we had the embryos within a few days. Our dreams could really become a reality. And then we weren't so sure.
Decision making when there are as many factors being in play as this had was difficult. We had to do alot of weighing the pros and the cons and make a decision. What if they picked us? What if they didn't? What did God really want us doing? A wrench was thrown into the spokes of the infertility wheel when we found out about a clinic and an infertility program that was approved by the Catholic Church and actually had a 65% success rate with its different methods in working with women with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) like I have. And now there was the surgery on my leg I would be having at the end of this month and crown for a tooth that Jeff broke. Finally, there was just not a complete agreement between he and I.
Fights broke out between us. I was mad at him. He was mad at me. Petty things got in the way of communications between us. Then I realized that a big part of it was because of me. I began to realize I wanted a child so much that I would go to any means I could. The reason for this was because every other option seemed to dwindle in front of me. I couldn't imagine my life without having children of my own. And I realized to that I was making it a "me" thing. In other words, it was always about what I wanted and not what was the best for Jeff and I together. Was I doing this only so the end result would justify the means by which I was trying to have children? Was I ruining my relationship along the way? Was I objectifying my spouse?
When we make decisions there are two very important components we need to consider: 1. Is this the best thing for us? 2. Am I communicating my needs and desires to my spouse and being open to what they have to say? Today I am going to work on these two areas in my life.
It doesn't matter if the decision is about something of this nature or about something completely different. When you are married or in any type of relationship, our life is not solely about myself or yourself. It's about everyone on the journey. It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a nation to support an adult.
Those are very good points that need to be considered before making an important decision. May I suggest another point that I think goes into the number three spot, but is of major importance.
ReplyDelete3. Is this the best thing for others involved?
I say this because in the case of a baby, you're making the decision for him/her also. I think that if number one and number two are both "yes", then so will number "three" be a yes. It's kind of like, if you and your spouse decided to move to another town, wouldn't you think about how it would affect your children, or the rest of your family?
I am so glad that you have found this other program and it sounds very positive. It also sounds like the two of you are finding out how you both feel, and are working together to make it happen. When it does happen, and I believe that there will be a "when", it stands that you will be selecting the best of all the options, because you have taken your time, done your homework, and didn't leave any options out. (Prayers for you)