Do you know of people in your life who take control of the conversations at a party and cut in to what you are trying to say? How do you feel when you start talking about something and someone stars talking about something totally different and you never get to finish what you were saying or talking about. Have you ever felt like if you walked away from a room no one would really notice that you are gone? Or have you ever felt hurt by something that someone said and yet when you approached them about it, they refused to acknowledge or see that they did anything wrong and even worse, they place the blame back on you for having a problem with it? This weekend's topic is all about not letting people take my life from me.
I've really been noticing lately how my mood and my confidence is affected by others who I let control my environment around me. My self esteem is shot when this happens and I revert into my own "world." Sometimes I play the "whoa is me" game or throw myself a pity party. I let others control my emotions or even my life. I have to learn to take a stand. The most important person in my life is me. No one else.
It may sound like a rant, but I can't do it anymore. I can't let people control me. I need to stand behind my convictions and what I need in my life. If I don't matter enough for the people in my life to place me in any priority in their life or to care to listen to me, then do they really have to be important in my life?
For those of you saying, "I really don't care what people say or think or do in regards to me...I am my own person, " well, to that I say good for you. Not everyone can be as strong and confidant as you. But then think about what you say to others that controls them and makes them feel inferior....or that negates what they say. While I am going to take control of my life, I don't intend to hurt and negate others along the way. Taking a stand means acknowledging my self..not degrading someone else.
So, this weekend I plan on taking a stand. Maybe I will have to sleep on the couch at times, or walk out of a room. I refuse to feel bad for feeling like I matter...for feeling like I am important if not to anyone else, at least to myself. I refuse to give up my feelings. I will take a stand.
You definitely have so much to offer that it would be a shame for anyone to cut you off. If I were to come to you for spiritual direction or common advice, (and I would have no problem in doing that), I would be expecting something out of you similar to what I would have gotten from the "Great", (I just adored him), Hank Kueltjes, or a true brother/friend/family member, Bob Browne. These guys may not possess the actual answer, but always had a line or two for input. And it was usually good stuff. I miss them, and they will never be replaced. But with people like you and the knowledge and experiences in life, we can get that guidance again as long as we listen. Not that we don't have others' that are capable of keeping us straight. I remember a "lifer" sergeant in the army once when I was rattling off to him, (for over a minute), just what action that I was going to take and how I was going to do it. And he said to me, "Garwood, only a Niger would do something like that". That short sentence stopped me dead in my tracks. He was a black man and he called me a "Niger". He was right. If I were to do what I said, I would have been a Niger. I now understood just what a Niger really is, not black or white, but how a person acts. Talk about learning a lesson with that one.
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