Someone suggested to me today that I should write my blog. I am in a rather weird space mentally and emotionally right now. So much has happened in the last few weeks that I feel sometimes that I carry the anxiety of others and their issues along for the journey rather than doing things for myself. I have so much difficulty separating things in my life. I am not talking about being able to separate work and my personal life. Anymore,its being able to separate others' needs from my own needs. I give in way to much.
I deserve more in my life. I deserve some happiness. I deserve the ability to dream and feel like they are accomplishable.
I never intended this blog to be used as a venting block. No...it was to be a path to improving myself and journeying to become a better me. And where am I at in it all? I am a failure. I haven't blogged in over a month. I feel as though I have taken 10 steps back instead of 2 steps forward.
How do I begin to let go? I thought that I had but it all seems to keep coming back. I am drained. If I feel my life is good when others happen to be down and going through rough times its crass and insensitive of me. When I am down its as if others are doing better and then people get upset with me for not being happy for others.
How do I begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel when its hard to even move forward to see that the tunnel ends or that there is anything in life other than the darkness of the tunnel.
I am beginning to believe this 365 days to a new me is not realistic...that it isn't something I can accomplish....that is was stupid of me to have even tried since I was setting myself up for failure.
I've gotta move on. Somehow I will figure it out. Until then I will continue to try to blog. Thank you for all of you putting up with my craziness.
No comments:
Post a Comment