One of the things I learned this weekend at the evening of reflection that I went to was that suffering is okay. From a religious standpoint, suffering reminds us of the cross that Jesus carried and that we all do need to carry our cross. From a non-religious standpoint, suffering is needed to humble us and to remind us that we aren't the center of attention in the world and that we don't get to control everything in life. Suffering reminds people that sometimes life really does suck. And life does have to suck in order for us to grow and change.
Think of it this way. A tree that receives no trimming and cutting will grow wild and all over the place. There is no control of it and it turns into chaos. When the branches are cut or trimmed, the tree will grow better, healthier, and more organized. The tree has to suffer the cutting in order to grow. We are alot like the tree. We can't always have things our way. We can't always control. We have to deal with pain and suffering and uncertainty in order to grow healthier, better, and more organized in who we are.
We also have to acknowledge that suffering is okay in our lives. I don't mean that we are to stand on a street corner and shout, "WHOA IS ME!!!!! OH HOW I SUFFER!!!!!" No. And sometimes I know that I tend to use social networking as my platform for acknowledging my suffering to anyone who will read it. (I have to change doing that and remind myself that its not necessary for everyone to know what ails me.) But we do have to acknowledge and not stuff back in our lives the suffering we encounter.
Now, I am not talking about allowing yourself to "suffer" over a small thing and to drag it on. Or even to allow yourself to suffer because you didn't like the outcome of a decision that someone or yourself made. Rather, we must carry our own crosses and understand that the pain of what we are going through in life is important to feel and to know that it shouldn't be diminished.
There are certain things in my life that I don't talk about with other people. There are things that Jeff and I haven't talked to other people about regarding our infertility and we realized that we don't have to tell anyone anything. What we choose to say or do is our decision. We are the ones suffering through this path of infertility. Please be patient with us on this. Allow us to suffer. Allow us to grieve and do the things we need to do. Do not come to us and say, I understand how you feel. Do not tell us to adopt, lose weight, try harder, don't try so hard, or any of a number of other pieces of advice. Allow us to deal with this. Do say..."hey that really sucks" or "I'll be praying for you" or "if you need anything, let me know" or even, "hey...I'm here for you." Those words are the most comforting during suffering. Those are phrases that provide more comfort to any form of suffering than any other thing that can be said.
Today I am going to be allowing myself to understand what it means to be at the foot of the cross. When Jesus died, his mother and his followers, some of whom he called brothers, were at the foot of the cross. While Jesus suffered the physical dieing on the cross, the loss of their loved one imparted suffering amongst his brothers and mother. Michelangelo's the Pieta is a great reminder of the agony of suffering and the acceptance of it as well. If you have seen the Pieta you may remember that Mary, Jesus's mother is holding and grieving for the loss of her son. Her left hand remains outstretched though. This outstretched arm signifies her accepting what suffering that God has given her with the loss of her son and yet the acknowledgement that she surrenders that suffering back to God.
Today, I will outstretch my arms and acknowledge my suffering, and also surrender it back to God. I am thankful that God loves me this much that he would impart this upon me.
There are probably quite a few people that know that you are going through this. I can only say that most of the time, their comments are meant to be constructive and helpful. It may not come off to you that way, since you've heard it over and over, and that can be aggravating. Kind of like the 324 people who advised us to take our piece of junk Prius in because of the safety problems and we could be killed in the car. After the first 56 people, it starts getting very frustrating having to tell them why we don't believe in any of that crap. Still, for the most part, they mean well, and are only concerned about us. It's the same when they say things like, "why don't you adopt?" To them, it may be the answer. But only you know what you want.
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