Day 1 ended with me having accomplished my greatest hurdle that day. While I still watched some television, I wasn't as compelled to sit all night and watch it. Being more alert and aware of what my journey task was for the day helped me to not grab that remote out of my husband's hands and switch from ESPN to a chick flick on Lifetime Movie Network. (And trust me...I would have done it!). As I prepared supper last night my husband diligently set up the TV trays in the living room. When I suggested we eat at the dining room table and talk and not turn the TV on to listen to the news while we ate, he was surprisingly content with the idea. It was great for once to sit with some sense of quiet in our house, to sit and enjoy a meal, and to have conversation.
I wasn't sure how I would come up with 365 tasks for my journey of becoming a new person so I just let the day bring what it may and by the end of the day I had a divine revelation. Well...maybe not a divine revelation but something as close to it as possible right now. It's Patience.
Guns-n-Roses had a song a few years back called Patience. While it is more of a love ballad about a guy trying to get down and dirty with his hoochy mama, as the words came to my head I realized that it is something I really need to work with. As I walked down the steps into our basement to grab paper towels I realized how frustrated I was getting that my husband hadn't replaced the paper towel on the paper towel roll in the kitchen for almost a week. And then I realized that I was trying to be patient with my husband, thinking that he would go get the paper towel if I got mad enough. Then the thought came to my head..."Why am I get upset that he didn't see the paper towel roll empty and go get it himself? How many times have I been downstairs here and could have grabbed it myself?" And I realized that it wasn't just patience with my husband that I was needing to have but rather patience in general. Where do I start? With me.
What in my life have I been doing that frustrates me about myself or others? Is the end all reason because I am trying to race around and do things to just get them done? In reflecting about it all this morning I realized that so often I step in and take over and try and take control of situations only to have them either collapse or my momentum fails. Why do I have to do that? Why do I have to try and "save" everyone? So...it seems as though patience is what I have to be more aware of today. How that will play out I don't know. But I got the first taste of it this morning when I awoke and found that one of our dogs had left us a not so pleasant "gift" on the floor that needed to be cleaned up. I reminded myself that I needed to be patient with her and love her instead. Maybe that's how I have to approach today. Be aware of each situation but love what brought you to it.
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