It's day 3 already and so far so good. I am sticking with this journey. And just as an FYI, each task that I set forth each day doesn't end at the end of that day...these are tasks that I am trying to make myself more aware of from that day forward. I think of it as the first day of the rest of my life for each of those tasks. And I am not perfect...I'm less than perfect. Each day is a beginning. Each day is a baby step.
So last night for the second day, my husband and I sat down at the dining room table to eat supper. It was nice. I think I may just be impacting him. He didn't pull out the TV trays and after supper he didn't turn on the TV right away, even though he had been watching TV as I made supper.
Patience on the other hand was a great challenge. Whether it was an IT person who didn't know what they were doing, a slow driver on a fast street, or the darn noodles cooking on the stove, I found my patience challenged all day. But I learned to take a deep breath and remind myself of my task and I held it in. No screaming..no complaining...just loving the fact that I had a job, the ability to drive and that I had a car to drive in, and appreciation of the fact I was able to cook a meal and eat it when so many people have to go hungry. And..I found myself being a little more patient yet with my husband...and he noticed it. (We'll see where that leads in the future....)
Do I want some cheese with that whine? Today's task is something that I have wanted to work on for a long time and last night realized what better time than today to start on it. It's whining. Some of you might not think of me and think of me as a whiner. While I don't necessarily think I whine per say, I recognize the fact that I tend to comment and complain about my aches and pains alot. You see, some of you may or may not know but I have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed in 1999 when that diagnosis was given to everyone who had pains that couldn't be explained. As the years have gone on, alot of study and research has been done on this diagnosis. In my case, the nerve receptors send a message to my brain that states that something is going on in my body and that I should be responding back with extreme pain going through my body. My nerves are hypersensitive to pain stimulus. I get dizzy easily, suffer migraines often, and experience spasms throughout my body all the time.
Last night I caught myself beginning to talk to my husband about all my pains while sitting down to eat supper. And then the memories of my days in the convent and at jobs where I remember talking about all my aches and complaints and I realized it really turned people away. Was I doing it for attention? Was I doing it without thought to what I was doing? I hated it when people did it to me so why was I doing this same thing to others?
Fibromyalgia shouldn't be my monster and what controls my day and my conversations or communication with people. Starting today I will be more aware and conscious of the content of my conversation with others. To all you out there that I come in contact with in my daily life: you catch me starting to do that, ask to see the back of my hand and slap it silly! Unless you really want to know each ache and pain I am experiencing that day I begin today in working on not letting you know unsolicited.
With that in mind...how do I finish my conversation today? Oh yeah...lovely weather we are having, isn't it?
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