Day 26: Dying to ourselves

So, we get back to death again. Who would have thought that it was such a hot subject that I'd need 2 days to begin the work? Really, there is death so many ways in our lives but these two days (yesterday and today) begin the process of dealing with the two ways death is in my life; my choice and by chance. Today, I begin the process with dealing with dying to myself.

It may sound like deja vu a bit as I repeat the statement I said yesterday, but I love to think about the image of the butterfly and the dying to one's self in order to become a more beautiful person. This is so important in our lives. The challenge doesn't lay in wanting to be a more beautiful person...I'm all about that. The challenge comes in dying to ourselves and our old ways and life as it can sometimes be painful. If you think about it, the whole last 26 days has been about dying to ourselves, The things that I have set as my tasks are challenges for a reason: they can be hard to do! Thus, while losing someone physically to death can be hard, so can dying to ourselves.

Why is it that I can't let go of my old self? Why can't I let go of resentment and grudges I have either about things I have done in my life or had done to me? Change is hard! In a way, our life is like a 12 step program. We must live our lives accepting that we can't handle things, a higher power can, and we need to hand it to that higher power (sound familiar?). Twelve step programs are alot about dying to our old self and becoming new. I guess I would have to say that my addiction is not letting go and not letting myself move forward and grow. In a way though, this journey is my 12 step program..being done more like 365 steps.

What's important to do today if to look at our past and realize there were many times in our past that we have changed. Had God (or your higher power) intended for us to not change we would all be infants or born as adults! We have to change...its our way of life. We can't go back into the womb...we have to grow change. Today...I will begin to recognize that and begin to allow parts of my life go. Why am I holding on to a relationship/friendship that I doesn't allow me to grow in a positive way in life? Why do I sometimes wish that I could go back to the past and change things? Instead, I need to be grateful to the past and the growth it has allowed me to be.

Okay, so I feel like I am just rambling today. There is so much in my head that I need to start looking at with my life and need to recognize and let go. If today makes no sense, I apologize. Dying to ones self is hard to explain. I know though, that the end result I wish to see is that I have new wings and can soar and there is a more beautiful me than I started out with. I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite songs that was played the day a friend passed away. It's by country singer Brad Paisley: "When I get where I'm going, on the far side of the sky, thie first things I'm going to do is spread my wings and fly..."

Spread your wings today.