During our early courtship day, my husband Jeff let it be known to me that one of his best and worst personality traits was that he was blatantly honest. He had told me that at times his honesty has gotten him into trouble because he would be honest when someone asked him his opinion and it didn't always meet the opinion of others. Sometimes it made him highly unpopular. In a way, Jeff really is an honesty guru...even if he doesn't know it. Why do we hold in telling someone the truth?
Today's topic is honesty. When Jeff first told me that he tended to be blatantly honest with people I kind of chuckled. Didn't he tell people white lies? (You know...those little things that were easier to tell to avoid hurting someone or getting yourself into trouble?) His reply back was, "I learned when I was younger that if you can't say something honestly its better to say nothing at all." While that doesn't mean to hold back on saying things and let things build up and fester, it points to a skill that so many of us fail to do before we open our mouths: think.
I thought back to how many times I open my mouth and speak before I really think things through. There is an ability to be honest and then there is the ability to be just plain hurtful by what we say. We can be honest while not causing pain on someone and its all in how we say it. A friend once told me that its not the other person who is at fault for hurting you because they told the truth, it's how I perceived the truth and it was my emotions that perceived it negatively. When we address a painful truth, we must acknowledge that the pain was not the intention of the other person if they are being truthful and honest, rather the pain is from inside us because we hadn't prepared ourselves for that truth. Why? Because at times its easier to hear a lie, no matter how simple or how complex it is.
Today, I plan on working on being a more honest person, stepping back and thinking before I speak, and preparing myself to hear honesty. Regardless of the outcome of what it said, I have to respect those who are honest with me. If I can't do that and start to work on that in my own life, then why even continue blogging?
I do believe that it is important to be honest with others, but sometimes there needs to be a little sugar coating on it. You wouldn't walk up to somebody and say, "you're fat and ugly". Even if that were true, that kind of remark would be wrong and hurtful to that person. I really do respect Jeff's honesty, but he has not come on too strong so as to offend me in any way. So I'd say that you are right, think before you speak. I can think of several instances within the last week where someone has said a few words to me that were offensive simply because of how they said it. A little thought would have made it different. For one thing, a few words could be intended as being constructive. Such as, "Do you need to take your Toyota in because of any of the recalls?" And coming from the other side of the fence is, "Surely you aren't driving your unsafe Toyota when they are having so many problems?" The first instance was likely intended as an inquiry to see what my response would be, and maybe even to make sure that I am aware of the recall. But the second was intended as a viscous attack, not on my car, but on me. It's like that person has been jealous that I have had a great car that I really love, with no problems. Finally, finally, they have something to throw at me, "Ha, see, your car isn't so great after all. That'll teach you." If they were honest, and can admit that they are just jealous of what I have, that is the words that would be said rather than it being just a thought.
ReplyDeleteAm I venting a bit here? Maybe.
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ReplyDeleteTest.....testing......testing....1...2...3...test. Can you hear me now?
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