I tried hard to think of a funny little quip or title for toady's task but the word alone just kept coming to my mind. I even had a whole different task come to mind last night as I prepared for bed, yet the short train that sometimes is my memory eluded me this morning and the one word that I couldn't stop thinking about was forgiveness. I've been avoiding this task for the last 17 days primarily out of the fact that in order to forgive some people it means dealing with the hurt that they caused me. What brings me to it today is the fact that I know from forgiving people in the past that I receive a gift or even an insight into the rest of my life as a result of the forgiveness.
Why forgiveness and why now? Just a couple of days ago I used resentment as a task. In order to keep moving forward after starting to deal with resentment, I realized that I had to forgive some people. I realized that hurt feelings or things I have been holding onto from the past I couldn't move beyond until I forgave someone or sometimes even myself. If I truly want to be a better person I must be more willing to forgive someone who has wronged me or hurt me, whether intentional or unintentional. Why have I been carrying on the hurt and anger against those who bullied me in school? Why do I continue to hold a grudge? What does it get me other than hurt feelings and physical ailments from the holding on and the grinding of my teeth about the situation? It's time to move forward.
Let me give you some insight into my life. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I held on to a secret for 13 years before I told anyone. I went to therapy, group therapy, and read every self-help book out there. And then I forgave the guy who did what he did to me. While I may not have physically approached him, I forgave him. I don't condone what he did, but I forgave him. I no longer fear seeing him or let the shear thought of him frighten me anymore.
It's situations like this where sometimes you have to forgive the person who hurt you (whether physically, mentally, or just plain hurt your feelings...) without them asking for forgiveness. I recently dealt with a situation where someone who has been important in my life chose to distance themselves from me and a few others in my life. I even sought forgiveness for things I didn't do or had no idea that I had done. I was truly truly sorry, hoping that a relationship could be mended. The person just pushed themselves further and further away and said hurtful things. Things that I have been angry about, holding onto, and trying to deal with. I realized this morning that regardless of whether that person will ever come back into my life (its their choice, not mine..) I will forgive them. I forgive them now. Like the father of the prodigal son, I will welcome this person back into my life, regardless of the pain and hurt that has occurred. I only hope that they can forgive me at some point.
Forgiveness is vital to our life. Sometimes we kick ourselves or beat ourselves up for choices we made in our past. At times we even kick ourselves for forgiving someone over and over again who then continues to hurt us. Forgiveness truly means renouncing the anger and resentment and excusing the fault or offense. It doesn't mean that the pain didn't occur or the offense didn't happen. It means we learn from it and we change our future decisions and choices as a result of it. And that's the gift.
So today, I will make a list out of all the people I need to forgive...with my name on the list of course...and I will start from there and begin to work through how I can begin to forgive.
I like to feel that I am one of the best forgivers there are. I think I do pretty good most of the time. Someone can do something very bad to me, and I may ream them really bad, whether or not face to face. But after all that, I can get over it, hopefully learn from it, and go on.
ReplyDeleteHere's where I have the problem. I can't forgive whoever did what was done to you. I would like to punch that person out but good. A 13-year-old would likely be messed up for life. And what for? For a sexual pervert to get a thrill for a moment from a child. How can anyone take such advantage of another human being, not even caring of what effect it would have on that person? I just can't see it, and I don't think that I can forgive a person who does that. Another thing that makes me sick, is that my guess is that somewhere around 50% of all women have had some sort of sexual assault in their lifetime. That means that 50%, (and that is my estimate), of all women are walking around the world somewhat messed up. Sure you, and most others will pick up the pieces and try their best to live life normally. But after that incident or incidents, your life can't be the same. You can't change what has happened.
I suppose that you can look at the situation as the molesters are already sick. They are sick in the same way a murderer is sick. They can't help it, so they do it when they get the chance. But that doesn't make it right.
I hope that all those who have been sexually molested can find it in their hearts to forgive, (not condone), the attacker. I can't do that, and I don't want to be around anyone who has done such a thing. But I don't have to forgive them myself, because this is still my fight. It's not a fight for the victim, but I am a man, and those molesters need more of us men to defend victims of these attacks.
I will say one thing. When these molesters do meet their maker, and of course God will forgive them, I will also forgive them for what they did to society by their lewd actions.
oh, yes. I am testing again.
ReplyDeleteYeahhhhhh. I did it. Now I can post. However, I need to get ready for work so that will be continued.
ReplyDelete