Okay....so you all saw this one coming after yesterday, didn't you? Trusting others can be one of the most difficult things in my life. Often times I mistook my difficulty with trusting others just as my way of controlling things in my life but in reality, it was that I was having a difficult times trusting others.
Who likes to get hurt emotionally? Not me. Sometimes as a result of not wanting to get hurt I put up that brick wall and do things myself, not trusting others in the return. I don't like to feel the way it does when someone I trusted hurts me. Like love, I don't give my trust out freely. Sometimes I think it has to do with the sexual abuse I suffered as a child, (i.e. trusting someone as a child who betrayed my childlike trust and physically inflicted such pain.). Even if I forgave the individual in the past doesn't mean that I have to trust them again, does it? While I don't have to trust them, I need to move forward in my learning to trust others.
How do you do that? Do I use as a baseline the worst thing that has happened in your life that affected your trust and compare everything to that? Since each betrayal of trust is different, it's almost impossible to do it that way. So, I guess its just taking everything one day at a time, each situation at a time. Regardless though, I feel like I am still at square one with trusting others.
I guess I need feedback on this one. When do you start to trust humans again? I trust God, but humans are not God. At what point to continue to dole out trust to individuals who've hurt you and betrayed your trust? If I don't begin to trust (humans) again am I allowing myself to grow and improve or will this be a roadblock into improving myself?
Talk to me people!
I think that the best place to start would be the incidence that was the worst that happened affecting your trust. In the case of sexual or any kind of abuse, you can hopefully forgive that person for what they did. But you don't have to trust them ever again. Why would you. And you don't have to ever have anything to do with that person again. I wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteBut then, it depends on how badly mistreated you were. We are abused and betrayed by people every day, and most of the time, we don't even know it. Most often, it's probably the things we say that are repeated and ridiculed after we are no longer in the room. Or just our presence might intimidate a remark, and sometimes it's done right in front of your face, maybe with a smile, but it is done. Worse yet, I've done it too. You simply say what you mean, but smile so it can also be a joke. Sometimes that is hurtful to a person. And much of the time, it is the people who are closest to us that are guilty, even Cursillistas.
So you start at one end of the spectrum, (the lowest worse case ever), and travel to the high end, (like a comment made, "nice haircut, ha ha). Where in the middle somewhere do you cut them off? That would be up to each of us, and I think that you judge each incident and determine where it strikes the spectrum.
Trusting in others is difficult with your background, my background and people we are close to. People I allow into my life have been known to say or do hurtful things. It might not hit me until later but none the less it is bothersome at that point. I spout off about it maybe or run it off a friend or my spouse and most often it is my sensitivity that is a blocking point of my anger over it. One thing I do as a result of hurtful things is ask myself "Am I going to allow this to bother me in one hour from now, one day or one week." I can do one of two things, say something to this person or decide they are not worthy of a conversation when I was not regarded in the first place. Then I talk to myself and decide that person is on red alert. Take care of yourself around this person. Know there are limitations with that person. That will take you to trusting your gut instincts. You know my one liner "Take care of you and the rest will follow".
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