(I apologize early if in any way this blog today sounds angry...it's not meant to be that way or specifically towards anyone. Today is meant to be empowering for me.)
I learned a big lesson yesterday when in trying to help someone out, who has asked for my help many times before, that I keep letting that individual walk all over me. I don't know if I am just too generous to people, too compassionate, or too gullible, but I tend to offer myself and my talents to some people who tend to just take advantage of me. Today my task is to work on empowering myself to step back and say No.
So often I want to help people. I stick my neck out for individuals who end up hurting my credibility in the end. Part of my problem is that I trust some people too much and others not enough. Yesterday night I began to think about and reflect on the list of people who I feel that I could stick my neck out for and who would not stab me in the back or walk all over me time and time again. To tell you the truth, it wasn't a very long list. I still care about the people who have walked all over me but I think I have to learn to step back and allow those people to make the mistakes they make so that they can grow.
I think that many times I push too hard to help people and thus I am not empowering them to grow. I think even sometimes I do that to my husband. I do things to get them done and get them done right. (Well, MY version of what is right.) Instead of empowering people I make them dependant. It's time I cut the ties and allow people to become empowered.
That doesn't mean that I am not going to help people. Instead now, I know that I still have to take care of myself. I can't stand these footprints on my back from people walking all over me but I can't not help someone in need. Today I am going to begin telling people who seek my help what my conditions are and be upfront and honest so as not to get hurt in the process but I will also step back and not offer myself or my talents so freely anymore as I need to let those others grow.
Am I doing the right thing? I don't know, but that's part of what this journey is all about.
Since I am in Grand Rapids for the weekend, that eliminates me from being the person who walked on you recently, so I should be in the clear.
ReplyDeleteWe took the grand-girls to Ada Bible Church yesterday, which is where the children are attending. This guy gave a very good sermon about Forgiveness, and I pretty much agree with him.
In his sermon, he said that because Jesus said that you must forgive 70 X 7 times, you must always forgive those who offend you. However, there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. Once a person has abused your trust, it can only be gotten back by earning it. Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned. You can forgive a person and not trust them at the same time. So, "You are forgiven for stealing from me, but you go to jail because you stole from me".
When someone walks on us, it is acceptable to take that privilege away from them. You can, however, still forgive them for what they did. If you want to try to trust them again, and set yourself up for more abuse, then they could do it again, take advantage of you. At some point we have to say, enough is enough, and that person no longer is trusted to be in that position to walk on us.
And that is why I am devoted to this man. He gets it. Thank you David. I couldn't have said it better. People will continue to use and abuse when allowed. It is not always intended. That's where your gut instinct plays a factor. Trust it. Tell them. They will then have their limits with you. They might not know your limits. How impowering for them and yourself to know Melissa won't take this anymore. I am proud of you. Thanks.
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